We’ve all had those days at work. The kind where the pressure is high, the deadlines are tight, and the stress is palpable. In these moments, it’s easy to let frustration take over. But here’s the thing: how we communicate during these times matters—perhaps more than we realize.
A friend recently shared a story with me that stopped me in my tracks. It’s a cautionary tale about the power of words, how they can hurt, the importance of respect, and the lasting impact of how we treat others, especially in the workplace.
The Story
My friend (let’s call her Sara) works in a fast-paced, IT environment. Recently, Sara completed a report for their group and sent it to John, her manager. The next afternoon Sara received a sharp email from her manager, John. The words were harsh, dismissive, and disrespectful. Sara was in total shock and almost fell off her chair. She was visibly upset and couldn’t believe this was from the same person she had been working with for the past few months. She was doing a good job and up until this point everything seemed to be fine.
What happened next was even more telling. Sara, who had always been a happy, dedicated and enthusiastic team member, started to disengage. The trust between Sara and John was broken, and the team dynamic suffered. Sara thought about this interaction with John all week-end and was deeply troubled by it, but she came to a decision. Rather than possibly get fired and ruin her stellar reputation of many years she decided it was best for her to quit her job. She couldn’t afford to quit, but she just couldn’t work in a toxic environment and live in constant fear of John being angry with her. It seemed like when other people made a mistake at work that was okay with John, especially if it was one of his favorites, but if she made a mistake he came after her with a vengeance.
Tone Matters – Even in Emails
It’s not just face-to-face communication that can cause harm. Tone matters in emails, too. A poorly worded email can come across as cold, dismissive, or hostile—even if that wasn’t the intention.
Think about it: when you read an email, you can’t hear the sender’s voice or see their facial expressions. All you have are the words on the screen. A curt “See below” or “Fix this ASAP” can feel like a slap in the face, or someone shouting at you, especially if the recipient is already feeling stressed or undervalued.
Before hitting send, ask yourself: How would I feel if I received this email? Put in a little extra effort—like adding a “please” or “thank you,” or framing feedback as a suggestion rather than a demand—can make all the difference.
What Can We Do Differently?
- Pause Before You Speak
When stress is high, take a moment to breathe and collect your thoughts. Ask yourself: Is what I’m about to say helpful? Is it kind? Is it professional? - Focus on the Issue, Not the Person
Critique the work, not the individual. Instead of saying, “You made mistakes and this is your job. Not mine,” try, “Let’s figure out how we can improve this together.” - Lead with Empathy
Recognize that everyone is dealing with their own challenges. A little understanding can go a long way in building trust and fostering collaboration. - Apologize When You Mess Up
We’re all human. If you say something you regret, own it. A sincere apology can repair even the deepest cracks in a relationship.
The Cost of Poor Management
Here’s the hard truth: managers like John don’t just damage morale—they drive people away. Sara believes there were two other colleagues that quit recently. Maybe it was because of John. Studies show that a toxic manager is one of the top reasons employees leave their jobs. And it’s not just the employee who quits who’s affected. Their departure can create a ripple effect, lowering team morale, increasing workload for remaining employees, and even tarnishing the company’s reputation.
Sara, for example, is now actively looking for a new job. She loves the work she does, but she can’t stay in an environment where she feels disrespected and undervalued. Sara isn’t alone. Too many talented, hardworking people leave workplaces they would have otherwise stayed in—all because of how they were treated, especially if it’s their manager that is treating them badly.
What Can Senior Management Do?
The good news is that senior management has the power to prevent situations like this. Here are a few actionable steps leaders can take:
- Lead by Example
Senior leaders set the tone for the entire organization. When they model respectful, empathetic communication, it sends a clear message about what’s acceptable—and what’s not. - Invest in Manager Training
Not everyone is a natural-born leader. Providing training on emotional intelligence, effective communication, and conflict resolution can help managers navigate stressful situations without resorting to harsh words or actions. - Create a Feedback Culture
Encourage employees to speak up when they feel disrespected or undervalued. Anonymous surveys, regular check-ins, and open-door policies can help senior leadership identify and address issues before they escalate. - Hold Managers Accountable
If a manager’s behavior is driving employees away, it’s not just a personal issue—it’s a business issue. Senior leaders need to address problematic behavior directly and, if necessary, make tough decisions to protect the team and the organization. - Foster a Culture of Respect
Make respect and empathy core values of your organization. Recognize and reward behaviors that align with these values, and make it clear that disrespectful behavior won’t be tolerated.
Why This Matters Now More Than Ever
We’re living in uncertain times. The world feels more volatile than ever, and the workplace is no exception. Many of us are juggling personal and professional challenges, from economic pressures to mental health struggles. In this environment, professionalism, respect, and empathy aren’t just “nice to have”—they’re essential.
Here’s the good news: even in difficult times, we have a choice. We can choose to communicate with care. We can choose to lead with respect. We can choose to remember that the people we work with aren’t just colleagues—they’re human beings with their own struggles, fears, and aspirations.
Final Thoughts
The workplace is a reflection of the people in it. When we choose to communicate with respect and kindness, we create an environment where people feel valued, motivated, and empowered to do their best work. When we don’t, we risk damaging relationships, eroding trust, and undermining the very goals we’re trying to achieve.
So, the next time you’re in a high-pressure situation, remember Sara and John’s story. Remember that your words have power. And remember that no matter how stressful things get, there’s never an excuse to be rude, dismissive, or disrespectful.
Because at the end of the day, we’re all just trying to do our best. And we all deserve to be treated with dignity and respect —no matter what.
What do you Think?
What’s your take on this? Have you experienced or witnessed a situation where words or tone made a lasting impact—for better or worse? What steps do you think senior management can take to foster a more respectful workplace? Let’s start a conversation. Share your thoughts in the comments below.