We’ve all had those days at work. The kind where the pressure is high, the deadlines are tight, and the stress is palpable. In these moments, it’s easy to let frustration take over. But here’s the thing: how we communicate during these times matters—perhaps more than we realize. Words have the power to hurt people deeply.
A friend recently shared a story with me that stopped me in my tracks. It’s a cautionary tale about the power of words, how they can hurt, how they can destroy some people, the importance of respect, and the lasting impact of how we treat others.
The Story of Why Sara Had to Quit Her Job
My friend (let’s call her Sara) works in a fast-paced, IT environment. Recently, Sara completed a report for their group and sent it to John, her manager’s boss. The next afternoon Sara received a sharp email from John. The words were harsh, dismissive, and disrespectful. Sara was in total shock and almost fell off her chair. She was visibly upset and couldn’t believe this was from the same person she had been working with for the past few months. She noticed that John had copied her manager, Wayne on the email. Sara was doing a good job and even had a glowing review recently from her manager. Up until this point everything seemed to be fine.
What happened next was even more telling. Sara, who had always been a happy, dedicated and enthusiastic team member, started to disengage. The trust between Sara and John was broken, and the team dynamic suffered. Sara thought about this interaction with John all week-end and was deeply troubled by it, but she came to a decision. Rather than possibly get fired and ruin her stellar reputation of many years she decided it was best for her to quit her job. She thought back to John’s email and remembered the angry and aggressive tone. She couldn’t afford to quit, but she just couldn’t work in a toxic environment and live in constant fear of John being angry with her and possibly ruining her reputation that she worked her entire career to build. It seemed like when other people made a mistake at work John wasn’t as upset, especially if it was one of his favorites. Even though Sara was a good employee and a hard worker, she knew she was not one of John’s favorites and probably never would be.
Sara emailed her resignation letter on Sunday afternoon, but that wasn’t all she did. She sent a nice email to the owner of the company explaining that she thought he should be aware of what was going on at his company. The resignation letter said it all. Sara explained that she could not work with John and he was the reason she was quitting. She just couldn’t work in the toxic work environment John had created. She didn’t know what happened to John, or if was even reprimanded for his actions. However, Sara had the satisfaction of knowing that she called John out for the bully he was and maybe it would help the next person that had to work with him.
Tone Matters – Even in Emails
It’s not just face-to-face communication that can cause harm. Tone matters in emails, too. A poorly worded email can come across as cold, dismissive, or hostile—even if that wasn’t the intention.
Think about it: when you read an email, you can’t hear the sender’s voice or see their facial expressions. All you have are the words on the screen. A curt “See below” or “Fix this ASAP” can feel like a slap in the face, or someone shouting at you, especially if the recipient is already feeling stressed or undervalued.
Before hitting send, ask yourself: How would I feel if I received this email? Put in a little extra effort—like adding a “please” or “thank you,” or framing feedback as a suggestion rather than a demand—can make all the difference.
What Can We Do Differently?
- Pause Before You Speak
When stress is high, take a moment to breathe and collect your thoughts. Ask yourself: Is what I’m about to say helpful? Is it kind? Is it professional? - Focus on the Issue, Not the Person
Critique the work, not the individual. Instead of saying, “You made mistakes and this is your job. Not mine,” try, “Let’s figure out how we can improve this together.” - Lead with Empathy
Recognize that everyone is dealing with their own challenges. A little understanding can go a long way in building trust and fostering collaboration. - Apologize When You Mess Up
We’re all human. If you say something you regret, own it. A sincere apology can repair even the deepest cracks in a relationship.
The Cost of Poor Management
Here’s the hard truth: managers like John don’t just damage morale—they drive people away. Sara believes there were two other colleagues that quit recently. Maybe it was because of John. Studies show that a toxic manager is one of the top reasons employees leave their jobs. And it’s not just the employee who quits who’s affected. Their departure can create a ripple effect, lowering team morale, increasing workload for remaining employees, and even tarnishing the company’s reputation. For example, Sara’s departure from the company meant that her colleagues had to fill in and do her job along with their own work.
Sara is now actively looking for a new job. She loves the work she does, but she can’t stay in an environment where she feels disrespected and undervalued. Sara isn’t alone. Too many talented, hardworking people leave workplaces they would have otherwise stayed in—all because of how they were treated, especially if it’s their manager that is treating them badly.
What Can Senior Management Do?
The good news is that senior management has the power to prevent situations like this. Here are a few actionable steps leaders can take:
- Lead by Example
Senior leaders set the tone for the entire organization. When they model respectful, empathetic communication, it sends a clear message about what’s acceptable—and what’s not. - Invest in Manager Training
Not everyone is a natural-born leader. Providing training on emotional intelligence, effective communication, and conflict resolution can help managers navigate stressful situations without resorting to harsh words or actions. - Create a Feedback Culture
Encourage employees to speak up when they feel disrespected or undervalued. Anonymous surveys, regular check-ins, and open-door policies can help senior leadership identify and address issues before they escalate. - Hold Managers Accountable
If a manager’s behavior is driving employees away, it’s not just a personal issue—it’s a business issue. Senior leaders need to address problematic behavior directly and, if necessary, make tough decisions to protect the team and the organization. - Foster a Culture of Respect
Make respect and empathy core values of your organization. Recognize and reward behaviors that align with these values, and make it clear that disrespectful behavior won’t be tolerated.
Why This Matters Now More Than Ever
We’re living in uncertain times. The world feels more volatile than ever, and the workplace is no exception. Many of us are juggling personal and professional challenges, from economic pressures to mental health struggles. In this environment, professionalism, respect, and empathy aren’t just “nice to have”—they’re essential.
Here’s the good news: even in difficult times, we have a choice. We can choose to communicate with care. We can choose to lead with respect. We can choose to remember that the people we work with aren’t just colleagues—they’re human beings with their own struggles, fears, and aspirations.
Final Thoughts
The workplace is a reflection of the people in it. When we choose to communicate with respect and kindness, we create an environment where people feel valued, motivated, and empowered to do their best work. When we don’t, we risk damaging relationships, eroding trust, and undermining the very goals we’re trying to achieve.
The next time you’re in a high-pressure situation, remember Sara and John’s story. Remember that your words have power. Also, remember that no matter how stressful things get, that’s not an excuse to be rude, dismissive, or disrespectful.
At the end of the day, we’re all trying to do our best. We all deserve to be treated with dignity and respect —no matter what.
What do you Think?
What’s your take on this? Do you think John was a bully? Have you experienced or witnessed a situation where words or tone made a lasting impact—for better or worse? What steps do you think senior management can take to foster a more respectful workplace? Let’s start a conversation. Share your thoughts in the comments below.